Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
