He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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