Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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