You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
