i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
