***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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