I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
