I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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