If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
