evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
