Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
