I don't think brook has ever known best
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
