If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
