Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize