So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
