It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
