Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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