summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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