ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am midnight drunk by noon
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
