haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
