Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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