Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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