You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
