His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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