ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize