all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
