i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize