There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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