dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
