i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
