thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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