She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
