eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
