2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
