he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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