and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
