Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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