So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she smelled like a LAN party
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
