I could make wine with my vomit
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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