It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
