Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
