Do you still have your period?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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