wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
