Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
