I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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