OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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