I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
