RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
