I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think people are normalizing furries
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize