I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
