She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
