You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize