You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
