don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
