so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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