I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
