watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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