Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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