i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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