so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
