i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
