she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
