speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
