Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
