I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize