you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
