Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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