doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
