I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
