i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
