the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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