just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
