Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
