I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
