Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
